Yesterday I ticked off one of my career goals & photographed at my dream venue - Aynhoe Park. A wedding I have spent so much time looking forward to & it certainly did not disappoint. However I have learnt a lot recently, that in life, with the good stuff, also comes the bad.
To say this weekend has been challenging would be an understatement. I'd say, probably one of the most difficult few days of my life, & I'm going to talk about it on here for various reasons...
Whilst in bed Thursday evening after FINALLY having a date night with Rob & fully prepared for a wedding the next day, I had a call telling me my amazing grandad who has played a huge role in all our lives had suddenly just passed away. I won’t go into self indulgent detail of what the next few hours entailed but all I wanted was for the room to swallow me.
Nevertheless, the following morning I had a wedding in which I put my clients first, like I always promise I will. Nobody was the wiser until I naturally had a little tear in my break time as this was the only chance I had to think of things which were not the wedding. After the wedding, I went home, had another cry, then up again for a wedding on Saturday, this time accompanied with Rob. Sunday I had chance to see family & have a ‘small breakdown’ then this brings me to the wedding yesterday…so yeah, it’s been tough.
Why am I telling you all this? Ohhh “Woe is me!” some will think. No, it’s actually because this has happened at a point where I was already feeling overwhelmed with my business, & after being really ill (yes I’ve been having a great time) a couple of weeks ago, I knew a few things needed to change if I wanted my business to grow & expand. Both this year & next are extremely busy, partially because I hate saying no to people & partially because I do absolutely love my job. However this also means all my spare time is sat at my desk editing so I can keep up with what’s coming next. I am so grateful to be busy but it means I hardly spend time with friends & family, & due to this weekends events it has deeply upset me. I don’t want to end up resenting what I do, so luckily last week I had already started re-evaluating my Wedding Collections & with this means doing fewer weddings in 2019. This is so I can give my clients even more attention but also myself - “make yourself a priority”. My business is growing & I want to grow with it, but to do this, I need to look after myself too! I shall talk about my new collections separately on another occasion, but note, Rob & I have finally combined both stills & film & we are very excited about it.
I know some will be reading this cringing thinking, I am attention seeking or shouldn’t be talking about feeling overwhelmed with perspective clients possibly reading. But I think it’s important. I strive myself on being totally honest with my clients which is why I build such strong relationships with some, & I assure you, this isn’t me having a weak spell. If anything all this has made me even stronger & pushed me to make my life & business better. I Skyped a couple last week who after said they would get back to me, as they were dubious as I had to rearrange after being ill etc, I simply told them to book someone else, because I knew we wouldn’t be right for each other, & I know I wouldn’t let my clients down if at all possible - proven by this weekend, but I don’t need to prove that fact to anyone. So yes, I am not afraid to be honest. I love my clients & especially this weekends as whether they were aware or not, they made my job easy & although hurting I have laughed many times.
This post is a release for myself (as I find it really helpful to just write & ramble when feeling emotional as you can probably tell) but also if anyone reading can relate to it, photographer or not, know that it’s perfectly normal to admit being upset & scared - always be true to yourself! We are all so much stronger than we think.
& to my Grandad & the wonderful businessman you were, I can only hope to be half as successful as you. x